ReLive

"Flashback" by Kelly Rowland

...unexpected messages just to say 'hey beautiful'...

I wish that I was okay

Although I realized I made this mistake

I also know no efforts to repair it

Actually matter

And while I was wishing the flashback

Could not end

The moment suddenly became unreal

I did not want to wish anymore.

I live each moment in anticipation of the next

Such that no moment is observed

And I live in regret of missing the moment

The moment I realized I was in a moment,

It was not real anymore but I should have

Relived it anyway.

The mistakes I made weren't that bad.

Boom Boom

When she's feeling deep, she uses the Japanese
blossom
Because everyone understands that the depth
of your person is found in the scent of your body wash.

And the things that will introduce you to yourself
usually taste funny
But the satiation of knowing everything
is a great chaser.

Douchebag Syndrome

There are two things that I must be. I must be relatively happy and I must be a mother. Everything else falls under the category of "really want" or "would be nice to have/be".

I understand happiness now as a big picture scenario. There will always be things, people, places, etc. that I do not like but have to engage, but in the "big picture" or the "grand scheme", I should be happy. It is the details that make happiness elusive because I am stuck reading the fine print, missing that the rest of the contract is a great deal.

I must be a mother, preferably the conventional way. I do want to adopt, but I want to carry a child to term, get drugs, and give birth. There will be no birth without drugs. But there will be children, no matter what.

On a related note, I also decided that I will marry. I hate men. They are disgusting and manipulative and self-centered, especially the ones in my life (except for my Dad). They benefit from a culture of patriachy and take further advantage of it by denying such a culture exists. But I will marry and I will try not to hate him, we will raise our children, and make it work.

Wavi

Oh little girl, I love you.
Little girl I do.
If no else does, I will.
Damage doesn't mean broken
I'm in repair.
I'm not together but I'm getting there.

Where You Are

If it weren't for the music
Nothing would exist.
The barely audible syllable
that grows like a malignant cyst
Takes over the presentation
And leaves audiences lonely
But even in the most complex of chords
There is something so homely
So familiar and convivial about the sound
That has now taken over...